'That was insanely disrespectful of you': Woman gets annoyed at sister who made family dinner

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Feb 4, 2023 11:00 AM EST

Cooking is such a personal thing, especially when you're cooking nice warm meals for the family you love. You have to take the time to look up a recipe, write down all those ingredients, shop, chop it all up, and stand at the stove stirring everything together. The best part is when the meal turns out beautifully and you get to serve it to your hungry spouse, relatives, or kids. 

Of course, there are many differences between families and between how they share their meals together. Some people have all their dinners together as a family, where they can bond and talk about their day. Other people tend to watch TV while they eat, or will eat alone. All of these are fine, of course. But for the OP, the main problem here is communication with her sister. I hope she apologizes to her sibling after all the hard work she put into making this meal! 

Next, read one this amazing Kevin story – one OP shared his experience as a teenager, helping his friend try to find the perfect way to ask out the girl of his dreams. Too bad that plan went up in flames! 

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  • 01
    Rectangle - 'OP you're creating entitled monsters'
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  • 02
    Font - r/AmItheA u/amitheal Posted by 1970 8 hours ago AITA for saying my sister doesn't have to dictate what I do in my own home after she insisted on setting the table for dinner?
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  • 03
    Font - Using a throwaway, I'm (42) the eldest of 8 siblings, this concerns my youngest sister Elina (23). Me and my husband have 2 kids (16 and 13). Elina's staying with us for 4 months because she started at a new college, and she needs some time to sort out housing. She's been here for a couple of weeks so far, last night she made dinner for everyone (she said she wanted to).
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  • 04
    Font - The way dinner usually works in my household is I dish up the food, then my kids take it to their rooms to eat. We obviously have family dinner too, but this is just more convenient for all of us as we don't have to spend time setting the table every day, and we can eat at different times if needed (also by different times I don't mean someone eats at 7 pm and someone eats at 3 am, just a small gap). I know this isn't for everyone and that's okay, but this is what works for our family. El
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  • 05
    Font - So last night she made fried dumplings, orange chicken, fried rice and chocolate cake for dessert. I went into the kitchen to thank her and saw her setting the table. I told Elina she doesn't need to do that and we'll take food from the pot. My 13 yo started saying she was hungry so I went to get food since everything was done, but Elina stopped me and said to wait a few minutes and we'll eat together. Again I told her that's not how it really works here, one of my kids is hungry now, but
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  • 06
    Font - Elina then said she was going to serve the dumplings first, then chicken and rice and cake after. I repeated to her, again, we can get the main food at once, cake later and if anyone wants seconds we'll come and get it, it's fine, no need to set the table. She looked upset and said she wants to have a 'nice dinner together' and 'involve the kids'. I had enough at this point so I told her I know my kids and family, she doesn't have to dictate what we do on my home. My husband saw what was
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  • 07
    Font - Elina eventually understood but she was acting sulky, and giving me the cold shoulder this morning. AITA?
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  • 08
    Rectangle - ohmeatballhead - 8 hr. ago As Aficionado [11] YTA. Your sister made a three course meal and wanted to eat together. Would it be such a big deal to break the disjointed meal time tradition just once? Tell her i'll sit at the table and eat all that.
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  • 09
    Font - Kitchen-Arm-3288 7 hr. ago edited 6 hr. ago As Enthusiast [7] 2 Your sister made a three course meal and wanted to eat together. Based on the fact that the sister pays rent and utilities (source) --> I see this as her inviting the family to a dinner party in the place the sister lives in more than "trying to make rules" for "family dinner." OP - how would you feel if you invited someone over for a dinner party - they arrived at random times, took the food, and went home; without socializi
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  • 10
    Font - I know I would be extremely offended. (I have hosted such parties before; as have friends of mine) ETA --> Here OP confirms that Elena (the sister) asked and made plans 3 days in advance to organize the Dinner party.
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  • 11
    Font - Chi Tiki 7 hr. ago I was also just wondering... maybe Elina also needed some family time? I can imagine being incredibly lonely in a house where everyone lives Separate from each other.
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  • 12
    Font - Susieserb 5 hr. ago Geeez and NOT teaching the children patience on eating and waiting for the meal to be served. I WANT MY FOOD NOW>. OP you're creating entitled monsters.
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  • 13
    Font - 123shelp 5 hr. ago Your sister wasn't just making dinner. She wanted to try setting up a cute little family event. YTA
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  • 14
    Font - Cent1234 5 hr. ago As Aficionado [18] Yes, it is, in fact, a problem for Sister to simply announce that everybody's plans are now cancelled because she wants to do something. ETA: That said, sister did, in fact, pre-schedule a sit-down meal, and OP is just being purposefully obtuse. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIth eAs e/comments/10qtu86/ait a_for_saying_my_sister_doesnt_h ave_to_dictate/j6s0215/
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  • 15
    Font - Longjumpisod 5882 - 3 hr. ago YTA You basically taught your children it's OK to get angry at someone who spend time and energy into a thoughtful gift, because she asks you to change your habits for an hour or so. Not a good lesson in the long run. That was insanely disrespectful of you.
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  • 16
    Font - ronearc As 5 hr. ago edited 5 hr. ago Enthusiast [7] If a sit-down meal isn't their norm, then the younger sister should have gotten everyone's buy in before trying to obligate the family to a sit-down meal. I'd say ESH. Once it became apparent the sister intended a sit-down meal it would have been trivial to inform the rest of the family and make it work for that night. Se I'd say ESH. Nevermind. OP agreed to sister's request to "keep that night clear and have dinner together," in what u
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  • 17
    Font - VoorCrazy 8 hr. ago YTA This was her way of showing appreciation, to you and your family. And you kinda threw it back in her face. Also, your teaching your children some really bad habits with eating. They'll carry this behavior on, and that will cause issues for them in the future with most outside your walls. Family meal times are an important part of growing up and understanding social situations.
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  • 18
    Font - ami857 6 hr. ago Gathering for family meal times is a basic tenet of "how to parent well" in any text you read. I feel kind of bad mom shaming here, but it's like OP skipped over the easiest and nicest part of creating a warm, familial childhood for her kids.
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  • 19
    Font - My-cactus-is-taller. 7 hr. ago Well tbh I grew up eating alone, because my parents ate later. As I grew older I started joining my parents watching tv whilst eating. I know it is nonconvential, especially where Im from, but it has not effect my social skills. I agree that your sister wanted to do something nice for you. It seems like a small miscommunication. Next time, you knew she was cooking for you, you can ask her if it is for a special occasion or if she wants to eat together. Then
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  • 20
    Font - Miserable_Emu5191 · 6 hr. ago Teenagers with food in their bedrooms infestation! is an invitation for an
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  • 21
    Font - (25) This JeffeTheGreat 1 hr. ago I didn't do family meals, and they aren't really necessary. We still don't do them as we all get home at irregular times. My parents will usually be home at 4-5 and like dinner around 5:30- 6ish, I'm not home til 8pm, and my brother is sometimes home at 3pm and sometimes as late as 10pm, depending on his job. So OP is TA, but not because family meal times are important for every family. Moreso because this was a preplanned dinner party and OP just son it
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  • 22
    Font - Blinky_Kitty_61. 8 hr. ago Partas ipant [1] | YTA, you and your husband. You're completely ungrateful for what your sister was trying to do for you all and I expect she was greatly upset. Are you always so insensitive? Sounds to me that the dinner arrangements your sister made is exactly what you lot need. Do you all hate being together so much that you can't cope with having even one meal together? This has to be one of the more pathetic AITA posts I've read for a while.
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  • 23
    Font - amitheas 1970 OP 6 hr. ago Elina asked me a few days prior she wants to cook a meal for everyone and what day would be best for that. I said Tuesday night (so last night), she said okay and to keep that day free so we could have dinner together. She never said she wanted everyone to sit down at the table. I obviously thought dinner together just meant she would be cooking for all of us, since she normally only cooks for herself. But she wanted everyone to sit down, which we don't usually
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  • 24
    Font - Rude-Illustrator-884 1 hr. ago Do they never eat at a restaurant together? Birthday dinners? Like I get that their regular set up works for them, which is fine, but its definitely weird how they're so resistant to even the idea of eating together for ONE meal.
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  • 25
    Font - BuzzyLightyear100 . 7 hr. ago Eating full dinners in bedrooms is disgusting. It looks like you don't like each other at all - you can't tolerate sitting together and discussing what has happened in your days. You think you are being the cool parent and letting your kids do whatever they want, but you are depriving them (and yourselves) of important conversations and interactions. I feel sorry for all of you for having such a fu l-up family dynamic. This will come back and bite you in a fe
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  • 26
    Font - THE RaktaginoDad. 8 hr. ago YTA. It sounds like your sister put a lot of thought into the meal and wanted to enjoy it with your family. I can't imagine slaving away in the kitchen and not getting to reap the benefit of seeing people enjoy what I've cooked. It's the whole da point.
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  • 27
    Font - allegedlydm 7 hr. ago YTA. Also, regular family dinners are associated with lower rates of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, tobacco use, and early teenage pregnancy, and higher rates of resilience and higher self esteem.
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  • 28
    Font - Plus-Wasabi-3353 8 hr. ago edited 8 hr. ago YTA - You say you've had family dinnners before, so then what was the big deal about eating together for a meal your sister put thought and effort into?
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  • 29
    Font - mdthomas 8 hr. ago Prime Ministurd [418] However you normally do meals is fine. Your sister said she wanted to make dinner for everyone, she did and you can't even be bothered to get the family together in a show of appreciation? Soft YTA
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  • 30
    Font - TherulerT 3 hr. ago · edited 2 hr. ago Partas_ipant [4] However you normally do meals is fine. Is it though? OP argues those 30 minutes eating are better spent doing other things (willing to bet they are all watching TV or scrolling social media). If this is about time wasted that means they're not catching up as a family at any other moments, that would cost the same amount of time after all. I mean, I could be wrong, but it sounds like they hardly talk to each other. Pretty sure OPs sis
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  • 31
    Font - shericheri 7 hr. ago YTA. Would it have killed you to tell the kids "hey, your aunt is preparing a nice dinner and we are all going to sit down for dinner together"? The bedroom thing is gross and basically setting them up for weird table manners as adults. Stop this now before they end up being the rude person at their company functions, business dinners, dinners with significant others' families, etc. Reply Share 112 wild_lunatic 1 hr. ago The fact that both OP and her husband were so o
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